Engagement Ring Etiquette

Asking a partner’s parents for their blessing is a tradition many still love, and many others skip. If it would mean something to your partner and their family, it is a kind gesture. If it would not, there is no obligation. Either way, the question that matters is the one you ask your partner.

Traditionally the person proposing buys the ring, but more and more couples share the cost or choose the ring together. There is no correct amount. The old rule of a set number of months’ salary came from twentieth-century diamond advertising, not tradition. Our budget guide explains how to set a range you are comfortable with.

Talking about budget openly, even if the design stays a surprise, saves a great deal of worry.

Engagement rings are for any couple. Many couples now both wear one, or both wear a band, as in the Brazilian tradition of the aliança. Choose what reflects your relationship.

Tell the people closest to you before the world finds out online. Your parents, and anyone who would be hurt to hear it second-hand, deserve a call before the photo goes up. When people ask to see the ring, it is fine to let them look without letting them try it on.

Insure the ring from the day it is yours, ideally before the proposal. Keep the receipt and the grading report, and check that the policy covers loss as well as theft, at home and abroad.

It is rarely discussed, but worth knowing. In England and Wales, the law presumes that an engagement ring is an outright gift, so it usually stays with the person it was given to, unless it was given on the condition that it would be returned if the marriage did not happen. Etiquette often suggests returning a family heirloom regardless. This is general information, not legal advice, and other countries treat it differently.